Week 4: 141.8 lbs, gained 0.6 from last week

I know that there is no miracle to weight-loss.  Diet and exercise cannot always be the key to every success.  It is quite discouraging when you work really hard, eat pretty good, only to feel ugly seeing the number on the scale.  If I had a gun right now, I'd shoot that darn thing.

I know I only gained over half a pound, but I'm honestly tired of being in my 140s.  I've actually snapped a plastic hanger into little pieces just searching for all my stretchy pants and big shirts.  I've turned into the Hulk, angry and in need of pants that are tienes mas stretchy! 

I couldn't find the Hulk, but this stretchy pants moment is just as good:
Week 3: 141.2, lost 1.3 lbs from last week

I love the beginning of a new week.  It is a fresh start and I have all those extra allowance points to look forward.  It's empowering being in control of your body.  I inspired my co-worker and she is now trying weight watchers.   She may get more obsessed with journaling and point values than I am...oh wait...she already is!

Today's quote in my weight watcher's journal:
 "First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do."

What would I be?
- I would be happier, but I have to journal; it will keep me sane.
- I would be able to fit those skinny jeans, but I have to maintain the little changes I have made and not seek food for comfort.
- I would be the girlfriend whose snoring doesn't wake up her boyfriend, but I need to make my body stronger, specifically my lungs, by moving more and smoking less.

hm...it does sound do able?
- I love to journal, that's not a problem!  I CAN DO IT!
- I'm on my period this week and my cravings are up, but I can say no to the really bad stuff; I am positive of that.  I CAN DO IT!
- I start school this week. I normally smoke most at school, but luckily it's going to rain.  That cuts out smoking!  On the downside, I have to find time and space in my house to workout.  Maybe I'll finally get around to cleaning my room.  Yay to extreme cleaning!  How many points is vaccuming?  I CAN DO IT!
I went to jury duty today...painful!  I almost got selected and the stress of it caused a craving worse than food...cigarettes!  I broke down and bought a pack of smokes from the 7-11 across the street.  This is a BIG deal.  I have not had a non-social smoke since new years.  I didn't call it a resolution, but I was hoping to make it farther than one month.

Food wise: not hungry, not happy, just feeling blah...we'll see how I feel after dinner.
CiCi's Pizza Tonight...

How bittersweet you are!  As a college student, pizza is my weakness and pizza buffet is my biggest weakness.

THE PLAN is that I make a PLAN.  Without it, I'd have freshman 15s everytime I went out for dinner.  Speaking of 15s, I've saved 15 points for this big dinner!  Yum!

I've got 15 points saved up for this battle
  15 pts
-  2 pts  will go towards the ranch in my salad
-  3 pts  for my favorite Mac & Cheese Slice
-  3 pts  towards an Alfredo with Tomato
-  3 pts  Spinach Alfredo or Cheese Slice
-  3 pts  for one Cinnamon Roll
    1 pt   left over....for something....like tums to cure my heartburn after my pizza-coma?  ; )
 Week 2: 142.5 lbs, lost 1.3 lbs from last week

I never thought my job would lead to so many extra calories.  Yet, as I start my diet I've noticed the increased number of unneccessary food that's offered to me.  Working front desk at a hostel has it's perks, but weight gain is not one that I want.  Regardless of what time it is, guest and fellow coworkers are always offering food.  More food than my old office job, which would have standard coffee, bagels, and baked goods.  Instead, the hostel has all these great international travellers who make such interesting food, or even bring deliciously-dangerous packaged goods from their home country.  God it's hard to say no to cute foreigners and their new exotic feeds.

What dawned on me, was that since I started my job in October, I have managed to gain 15 lbs back that I had originally lost.  I gained weight due to my willing effort to eat whatever was offered to me, but also because I worked the weirdest hours.  Working during a time when I normally ate dinner interrupted my schedule to the point where I felt famished.  I'd come home around 10 pm and eat until or even past Midnight.

I'm sad to say it, but I just came home from work about an hour ago...I ate dinner right when I got home, used up all my weight watcher points for the day...it's 11 pm and I'm still eager to eat that bowl of popcorn sitting on my bed (with some tapatio).  I'm not stressed; I just looking forward to unwinding with some popcorn and a movie...some relaxing me time before I go to bed.

On another note that kinda relates to the subject:  I really wanted to blog what I read in my weight watcher's journal yesterday.

It said "Make a list of five non-food ways to deal with your feelings."

My five non-food ways to deal with my emo feelings:
1) Read or play video games.
2) Journal, blog, or talk to a friend.
3) Take a walk or exercise.
4) Paint nails or style hair.
5) Clean out my room or reorganize things.


Week 1: 143.8 lbs

I've been feeling very sick these past few days.  It's frustrating when you're wanting to exercise but can't breath out your nose.  I've been taking it easy and have tried to count laundry, cleaning a shelf as some type of low-impact cardio.  Hey, it's better than nothing!

I sought advice from my boss today.  She's extremely fit and is always stoked on healthy food.  It just amazes me that it comes so naturally for her.  Here I am obssessing over calories, weight watcher points, and carbs.  Yet my biggest obssession is CRAVINGS!

I'm always craving the junkie type of foods.  So I asked my boss for craving help.  Her big tip was to substitute the food with something that has the same flavor and same texture, maybe even same color.  It's easier to eat better when you find healthy foods you like...oh man is that easier said than done.

My mission in the next hour is to google substitutes for my favorite snacks:
-Flaming Hot Cheetos
-Cheeto Puffs
-Fried Mozzarella Sticks

A big part of me, still wants to feel connected to my computer.  I feel that social networking isn't my thing, but maybe blogging is.  Blogging is focused and has an actually purpose.

Here, I hope will be or is my attempt to work on myself.  I'm not here to publish myself to the world.  I simply feel the need to have something that I could show and share whenever I wanted, something I could be passionate about.

What I want to put into my blog:
- Include More Recipes with Points
- Write Journals/Blogs at least weekly
- Show my progress/regress with weight-loss and healthy diets

I feel most passionate about making a change.  I want to chart my progress to prove to myself and others that weight-loss and healthy dieting is hard but worth pushing through.  I lost a lot of weight, but during a stressful school semester I easily gained it all back.  15 lbs to be exact. 

I want to prove to myself that I can easily conquer my weight battle.  I can control my weight, not the other way around.  There's a great sense of confidence I feel from failing so bad.  Failing depresses me to the point that I break into action mode.  Like a spring wound too tight and suddenly let go, I just propel forth.  At this moment I feel strongly compelled to get back on track with my old goals and make it to 120lbs.  I am an underdog...a successful underdog.